Chapter 18 - Confessing My Feelings
At the hour of Chen, the newlywed couple washed up and held hands as they walked towards the main hall to serve tea to their elders.
Strictly speaking, with Pei Xuan around, Cui Ti could hardly be considered truly blind anymore, but she still had to pretend to be blind. Having pretended to be blind for eighteen years, she had no trouble keeping up the act.
She walked step by step with Pei Xuan, who gently held her arm and softly said, "My lady, go slowly."
Every word and deed seemed to be infused with gentleness.
Without even mentioning Hao Zhong and Rao Liang who were standing behind Cui Ti, Bai Ge who had never heard a man's voice as gentle as dripping water, knew the rumors about young master Pei were true - he was a fine gentleman worthy of the spring breeze.
From the Prime Minister and his wife down to the lowest maid drawing water, everyone in the Pei household cherished this precious darling.
Bai Ge witnessed the Pei family's affectionate and harmonious side. Seeing them walk shoulder to shoulder, she thought to herself that her young master was terribly mushy.
But deep down, she was overjoyed for her young miss' good fortune.
Heaven shows pity on those who deserve it. Her young miss was lucky to have found such a considerate and devoted person.
Pei Xuan wore a vermilion robe, matching the one worn by Cui Ti on her left. Like a perfect match, the morning sun shone on them. For the first time, the servants in the inner courtyard saw their young mistress. At first glance, they realized the eldest daughter of the Earl of Xining was quite good looking - gentle and refined, seemingly a living ink painting.
And seeing how attentive and caring their young master was, they were even more shocked - Pei Xuan was very proper in her interactions, seldom showing anger, but such enthusiasm was rare indeed.
Recalling how this blind young mistress was one their young master had resolutely knelt in proposal for, their gazes towards Cui Ti changed.
Pei Xuan was the only child of the Pei family, her attitudes often represented the Pei family's attitudes. The wife she married would be the proper young mistress and future matriarch of the Pei manor.
Though Cui Ti could not see the surreptitious glances cast her way as the servants bowed their heads while coming and going, she could feel the subtle change in how they saw her. She knew this was all brought by Pei Xuan.
From today onwards, when people mentioned her, they would first introduce her as the young mistress Pei, no longer someone's daughter from the Earl of Xining's manor.
Honoring the clothes before the person, this was just like the past life. Many looked down on her, pitied her, only Pei Xuan held her high up, doing all kinds of gentle deeds for her. Thinking of this, her fingers unconsciously clenched the little finger hooked with hers.
Taking advantage of their wide sleeves shielding them, things hidden from others' sight grew long indeed. Bai Ge's mouth twitched. She thought, I've never seen such sticky intimacy.
Pei Xuan loved it immensely. Her brows and eyes brimmed with joy. The wind blew past her hair and clothes. Their matching outfits clung affectionately to each other. Delighted by the sight, she enthusiastically described the scenery around them to Cui Ti.
Gifted with talents worthy of being top of the imperial exam, from her descriptions, every flower and tree seemed like an unworldly beautiful sight. Cui Ti was nervous at first about meeting her in-laws, but gradually drawn in by her words. By the time she regained awareness, they had already stepped past the threshold into the main hall.
In his youth, Prime Minister Pei Rufeng was unruly and stubborn. When he had a daughter, he insisted on raising her as a son to take the path of officialdom. By middle age, Pei Rufeng could not prevail over his daughter and dangerously arranged this marriage for her.
Today was a special day. He and his wife had dressed up early and sat in the seats of honor waiting for their daughter-in-law to serve them tea.
Hearing the sounds outside the door, Pei Rufeng raised his eyes. Seeing the perfect couple walking in hand in hand, his wife's eyes also brightened.
If Xuan'er was truly a man, they would also be a perfect match.
This same thought arose in the couple's hearts. Oblivious to her parents' thoughts, Pei Xuan carefully led Cui Ti closer step by step.
"Your child pays respects to Father and Mother."
"Your daughter-in-law pays respects to Father." Cui Ti bowed down, then was led by Pei Xuan to bow to her mother-in-law as well. "Pays respects to Mother."
The daughter-in-law tea was also called the change-mouth tea. By entering the Pei manor, she became one of them, sharing the same future, glory and disgrace. Her voice was pleasant, her looks outstanding. Hearing her call them "Father and Mother", the Prime Minister couple's hearts stirred.
They didn't expect their daughter to actually marry such a satisfactory girl. And seeing Pei Xuan's unconcealable joy, Lady Pei's face revealed a smile.
Things had already reached this point, what else could they do?
After drinking the tea respectfully served by the daughter-in-law, Prime Minister Pei handed over a large red envelope. As a man, it was improper for him to be too close with his daughter-in-law. He only sternly lectured his "son" for a bit, nothing like his prestigious might at the Earl of Xining's manor previously.
Lady Pei was much easier to talk to. She took out the prepared family heirloom.
The creamy white jade pendant was placed in Cui Ti's palm. She gestured with her eyes for Pei Xuan to help the daughter-in-law stand.
In their past life, her mother-in-law had also gifted her a Ru Yi jade pendant, but it was given reluctantly. Likely because she was considered inauspicious then, having caused Pei Xuan to fall off the wall at their first meeting, losing her the opportunity to become top of the exam.
This life there were no such mishaps, so Lady Pei treated her warmly, also somewhat sympathizing with her unfortunate background.
The Ru Yi jade had been passed down through the Pei family for generations. It was a pair, with Pei Xuan wearing one at her neck, and Cui Ti having the other. The pendant was exquisitely carved with lifelike fish patterns. Right before Cui Ti died in her past life, she was still wearing this jade.
For this object to be an heirloom of the Pei family, it probably really had extraordinary properties. She carefully stroked the smooth jade surface, a bold guess surfacing in her heart - perhaps her resurrection was directly related to this jade pendant.
The Prime Minister was busy with work. After drinking the daughter-in-law's tea and sitting for a while, he took his leave.
Lady Pei had not slept well last night. Now, hearing the satisfactory answers from her daughter's mouth about her identity being kept secret, she was slightly appeased. Avoiding Cui Ti, she asked about consummating the marriage. Hearing the reply, she became dissatisfied again.
"Why wasn't it consummated? Don't you deeply care for her? For her, you dared defy your Father?"
"I do like her a lot." Pei Xuan was straightforward and disliked lying. Gently, she said, "Maybe I like her too much, and don't want to offend her."
"..."
If this girl hadn't come from her own belly, Lady Pei would plaster a huge "foolish" on her forehead no matter what.
She wanted to say more but held it in. After a long pause, she could not restrain herself and spoke from experience: "She doesn't know your identity yet you happily married her. Is she just for show? Outwardly you're a man, how can you let the girl take the lead? Xuan'er, this will hurt the young lady's heart."
"Is that so?"
Realizing this would hurt Cui Ti, she couldn't make up her mind. "What does Mother think your child should do?"
Lady Pei sighed. "You must consummate the marriage eventually. Don't blame Mother for being heartless, Xuan'er. Before she is truly your wife, she will always be a hidden danger to our manor."
...
"Husband? Husband?"
Cui Ti called him twice but got no response. Grabbing Pei Xuan's sleeve, seeing her deep in thought, Cui Ti couldn't help guessing what her mother-in-law had said.
In the warm May sunshine, the rear garden was filled with vibrant blooms, but Cui Ti could not see them. Thus, she looked at Pei Xuan again, only to find that the lost in thought Pei Xuan had regained awareness.
"Is it because I did something wrong and made Mother worry?"
Pei Xuan's thoughts stirred, surprised by her perceptiveness. She looked back and told Hao Zhong and the others not to follow anymore. Bai Ge hesitated but also stayed behind, staring longingly as the young master led away her young miss.
Other than pretending to be a man, Pei Xuan did not want to hide anything else from Cui Ti.
Walking along, they saw many flowers in bloom. She casually plucked one and tucked it in Cui Ti's lush hair.
Putting flowers in a wife's hair was a lovers' delight. She slowly opened her lips, "Mother asked if we have consummated the marriage..."
Cui Ti's face instantly flushed red, her earlobes burning as if on fire. She lowered her head, too shy to look at Pei Xuan, but she also knew the situation had changed, so subsequent developments would also change.
Her mother-in-law was quite close and affectionate now. Pei Xuan was truly female, yet married a woman. If that wife could not wholeheartedly devote herself, it would be disastrous for the Prime Minister's manor.
"What did you say to her?"
"How could I lie to Mother?"
In a sense, Pei Xuan was a true gentleman, disdaining lies and deceit. But there was still one extremely important thing she wanted to know.
She looked up at Cui Ti, only seeing Cui Ti with head lowered, chin nearly touching her chest in bashfulness.
A finger lightly lifted her chin.
Slender and gentle, yet irresistibly firm, Cui Ti obediently raised her head.
Pei Xuan's heart pounded rapidly. The finger under Cui Ti's chin grew hot. She looked with limpid eyes, carefully and cautiously asking: "My lady, were you happy at all that I married you?"
"I..."
Cui Ti's chest swelled with indescribable emotions, thousands of words jammed in her throat. Fearful of startling Pei Xuan, yet also afraid of demeaning herself too much, her chest heaved up and down, eyes misting over, "What about you then?"
"Hm?"
"Did you sincerely love and admire me, that's why you wanted to marry me?"
Da Zhao valued propriety greatly. Marriages followed the parents' order and matchmaker's word. Premarital interactions without parental consent were private pacts, which if discovered, would ruin one's reputation for life.
Men still had it easier. Women bore the harshest consequences.
In this world, a woman's chastity was like a sharp sword dangling over their heads. Even slight misconduct meant death.
Fortunately they were already married, so Cui Ti dared muster the courage to ask this. This courage was accumulated over two lifetimes and death itself.
She had stumped Pei Xuan.
Pei Xuan looked at her but did not speak.
Previously Cui Ti was blind, unable to see her expressions to guess her thoughts. Now she could see again, while Pei Xuan mistakenly thought she still couldn't, gazing at her with gentle pity, for a long time, revealing ardent affection.
Clearly infatuated.
Cui Ti was jolted by this gaze. She retreated half a step, startling Pei Xuan to hurriedly grab her hand.
Her palm grasped that slender wrist. Where their skin touched seemed to burn.
Pei Xuan dared say she "liked" Cui Ti in front of her parents, in front of Song Zizhen and Zheng Wuji. Yet facing her new bride alone, she was much more circumspect, carefully considering each word, leaving Cui Ti waiting for her confession until her heart went from hot to cold.
She suspected Pei Xuan was mute. About to struggle free, Pei Xuan, not finished preparing her words, afraid Cui Ti would run away, seized her wrist. "My lady, don't move about."
Cui Ti had waited an entire lifetime without hearing the confession till her death. She thought she wouldn't feel aggrieved, but hearing the "don't move about", her eyes brimmed with tears. Defiantly, she lifted her leg and stomped on Pei Xuan's exquisite boots.
Bai Ge couldn't stop worrying and had sneaked over to peek. She happened to see her young miss "abusing" Young Master Pei.
Eyes shutting, she pretended she didn't see it, heart fully cheering on the young miss gaining prestige.
Right before the tears spilled, Pei Xuan gently confessed her true feelings: "If I did not fall in love at first sight, how could I stake everything on pursuing a lifetime's company together? I...I truly do love and admire you."