Chapter 24 - A Warm Gathering
The golden sun was setting, and its amber afterglow lit up half of the sky. The Agarwood Courtyard was serene and peaceful. Hao Zhong and Rao Liang neatly arranged their stools in the courtyard, looking up at the sky. Bai Tang couldn’t sit still. Having finished all her chores and finding nothing left to do, she absentmindedly started counting flower petals.
Footsteps and hushed voices from outside the courtyard caught their attention. Bai Tang was the first to become alert, lifting her eyes with caution – an instinctive reaction she had developed during her stay at the Earl’s mansion, always on guard against those who might demean them, taking advantage of their servitude.
Cui Dai, with a disdainful look on her face and holding her nose as if disgusted, walked into the finest residence within the Earl's mansion. Once, the Agarwood Courtyard had been her realm, and giving it up for Cui Ti had been a bitter pill to swallow. A group followed closely behind her, and Bai Tang's heart raced, her demeanor sharper than ever.
She resembled a battle-ready rooster, or considering her gender, perhaps more fittingly a fiercely protective mother hen, spreading her wings to shield her chicks. Nothing could paint a clearer picture than that.
Observing her protectiveness, Hao Zhong and Rao Liang’s impressions of the third young miss of the mansion, Cui Dai, soured even further.
Cui Dai and Cui Ti were sisters, born of the same parents. If the elder sister, Cui Ti, was as beautiful and delicate as a blooming flower, commanding sympathy and admiration, how unattractive could the younger one be?
Miss Cui Dai was indeed a beauty. Standing alone, she might be considered a standout. However, those from the Prime Minister's residence were accustomed to seeing noble and refined ladies. While Cui Dai might initially dazzle onlookers, prolonged observation revealed her lacking in grace and poise.
If Cui Ti was likened to a magnolia blooming in the spring, pure and elegant, then Cui Dai was the spicy chili grown in wetlands – bold, brash, and somewhat out of place wherever she went.
“Greetings to the third young miss,” Hao Zhong and Rao Liang bowed in respect.
Cui Dai gave a dismissive hum, her gaze settling sharply on Bai Tang.
But Bai Tang was no longer the timid Bai Ge of yesterday. As someone who had been with Cui Ti for a long time, her every move represented her mistress's reputation. Knowing that this visit was due to her mistress's return after three days and not wanting to create conflict, Bai Tang greeted Cui Dai respectfully and bowed.
Seeing her act so subservient, Cui Dai was somehow reminded of past events in the dilapidated courtyard where Bai Tang, like a fierce lioness, had once defended Cui Ti fiercely. The vivid memory replayed in her mind.
Aware of Bai Tang's special standing in her blind mistress's heart, Cui Dai did not bother to look at her directly, but instead asked, "Where's your mistress?"
Hao Zhong replied, "M'lord and the young mistress are taking a nap."
A nap?
Cui Dai glanced at the sky. With the sun setting, what sort of midday nap could they be taking? Her face expressed her displeasure, but she held her tongue, considering Pei Xuan’s esteemed status.
Despite her not commanding them, Hao Zhong and Rao Liang stood up under her watchful eye. Seeing them do so, Bai Tang felt a tinge of delight and stood up as well.
Cui Dai's eyelids twitched.
Proper etiquette dictated that guests should be invited into the main hall, offered fragrant tea, and served refreshments. However, the maidservants from the Prime Minister's mansion were prouder than those from any other household. Since the third young miss looked down on their young mistress, they had no intention of currying favor.
Rao Liang signaled for a chair to be brought over, saying, "Third young miss, please have a seat."
The elderly maid behind Cui Dai moved her lips and furrowed her brows, but in the end, she chose not to utter a word.
Cui Dai reluctantly took her seat, her youth evident in her inability to notice any impropriety, her mood dominated by impatience.
The sun dipped below the horizon, bringing a fragrant breeze through the Agarwood Courtyard.
From the inner room, the bed curtains rustled slightly. The beauty lying on the high bed began to stir. Opening her eyes, she was still enveloped in a dense fog of blindness. A pang of anxiety hit her as she called out, "Xing Guang?"
"My wife." Pei Xuan took her hand, chuckling at her clinginess. "My wife, I'm right here."
Surrounded by his familiar scent, Cui Ti’s anxiety settled, and she murmured, "As long as you're here, everything is alright..."
She wasn't fully conscious yet, and her casual remark softened the very core of Pei Xuan's heart. His gaze landed on his wife's slightly swollen lips, and memories of their passionate kiss when they shared a drink flooded back. He dared not look any longer, tilting his head back to stare at the bed canopy above.
Cui Ti's face nuzzled against his neck, whispering, "Xing Guang, what time is it?"
Still groggy from the alcohol, her temples throbbed. Even after resting, her head felt muddled.
The warm and damp breath caressed Pei Xuan's pale neck. The intoxicating scent of the drunken beauty enveloped him, making him blush and entertaining wicked thoughts. He swallowed, "It should... it should be close to the hour of You (5-7 pm)..."
"You hour..." Cui Ti, with her slightly sluggish mind, pondered, "It's that late already?"
In the courtyard, Cui Dai's patience had worn thin. Her eyes blazed with fury, wishing harm upon those who kept her waiting. But she couldn’t defy her father's order; otherwise, why would she be here, wasting her time?
Realizing the situation, she cleared her throat, "I am thirsty."
Hao Zhong raised an eyebrow, coincidentally holding a teapot. With a teasing smile, she said, "Isn’t this fortunate? I'll pour tea for you."
In front of the Prime Minister's residence, even a seventh-rank official would be respectful. Especially towards Hao Zhong and Rao Liang, who were personally trained by Lady Pei to serve Cui Ti.
Having served numerous nobles, they knew how to act around others. While they may not understand the intricacies of romance as much as Bai Tang, when it came to subtly retorting someone without raising a fuss, Bai Tang still had much to learn.
After waiting for quite some time for just a cup of tea, Cui Dai was about to unleash her anger. But Hao Zhong's attentive service effectively smoothed her ruffled feathers, leaving her with a stifled feeling as if she was held back and couldn’t lash out.
Bai Tang watched with wide, shining eyes, almost wishing to see Cui Dai off and then kneel down to call Hao Zhong and Rao Liang her masters, acknowledging their superior skills.
In one corner, Hao Zhong alone was enough to keep the Third Miss Cui busy, while in the other, Pei Xuan was drowning in a sea of tenderness, his eyes fixed on his wife's open collar.
A hint of her delicate, soft bosom peeked out, a sight her attire could barely conceal.
For all his wit and wisdom, Pei Xuan found himself defenseless against the coquettish charms of his wife. Clinging tightly to Cui Ti's enchanting frame, he suddenly understood the sentiment, "Spring nights are too short; one rises at dawn, henceforth the king no longer holds early court."
Not just the fleeting moments of spring nights, but just feeling Cui Ti nestle against him like a delicate bird made Pei Xuan feel as though both their bodies and souls were ensnared by the bed they lay on.
He was not typically lascivious, but he was, after all, a healthy woman.
Taking advantage of Cui Ti's blindness, her face flushed as she indulged in the softness pressing against her chest.
Now she understood why her friends would wear that knowing smile when discussing intimate moments. Didn't her current state resemble a young girl secretly tasting the wine made by adults, drunk on its allure, losing herself completely?
One part of her relished the sensation, while the other scolded herself for her indecency. It wasn't long before bitterness tinged her heart. To Cui Ti, the object of her affections was Pei Xuan the man, and the one she wished to offer herself to was also Pei Xuan the man.
Pei Xuan, the legitimate son of the esteemed family, always exuded confidence. Yet holding his beloved close, he began to doubt himself.
Not only had she deceived through their marriage, but she also took advantage of Cui Ti's blindness. Wasn't she disrespecting the moon in her heart?
Plagued by guilt, Pei Xuan stiffened, slowly releasing her beloved. Her expression was pained, tears threatening. Seeing this, Cui Ti was fully awake.
"My lord?"
Her voice was soft and warm, touching the very soul.
Unable to meet her gaze yet unwilling to neglect her, Pei Xuan felt the guilt weigh on her. It was her fault; Cui Ti was innocent.
With a pale face, she adjusted Cui Ti's collar and helped her up, "My lady, it's late. We should get up."
Cui Ti's heart fluttered.
This Pei Xuan was so much like her upright and serious husband from her previous life. The more solemn he was, the greater the distance between them felt. Even though they shared the same bed, their souls seemed separated by a vast chasm. She suddenly found herself short of breath, feeling as if the sweetness of the past few days had turned into a fleeting illusion, like a knife stabbing her heart.
Seeing her unusual expression and the tears forming in her eyes, she choked, "Where did I go wrong that you no longer love me?"
In her past life, when she first married, she had been careful and delicate, doing her best as the young lady of the Pei family. To outsiders, she, with her humble origins, was nowhere near a match for the dazzling and outstanding Pei Xuan.
At first, she hadn't thought too much about it, just wanting to live a good life in a new environment.
But Pei Xuan treated her exceptionally well, so well that she felt indebted, so much so that her heart had unknowingly been given to him.
Once given, with no response, Pei Xuan's distant and aloof attitude hurt her sensitive nature, bringing about that fleeting thought she had before her near-death experience.
Never mind.
She believed that Pei Xuan did not love her but only pitied and cherished her.
The insecurities from both her past and current life overwhelmed her. Cui Ti was scared that she might have misinterpreted everything, that her feelings were one-sided. She didn't want to repeat her tragic fate from her previous life, dying alone by that desolate lotus pond.
She couldn't understand how Pei Xuan could be so affectionate, feeding her wine before sleep, only to become the distant and unattainable moon upon waking.
The moon was beautiful, but she couldn't see it or touch it in her previous life. Even if she did, it would slip away from her grasp the very next moment.
If she could see it now, she wouldn't want to let go.
She wanted to hold it tightly in her embrace.
Or to be tightly embraced by it.
The love and torment of two lifetimes tortured her. Pei Xuan, unaware of her fears and anxieties, seeing her tears, felt a wrench in his heart, "I didn't... I didn't stop loving you."
I love you too much, so much that I feel like I'm desecrating you.
"My wife..." He gently embraced the tearful woman, reassuring her in a soft voice, "I really adore you."
"I don't believe you..." she whispered.
Cui Ti was easily consoled, but with a precondition: she needed to feel secure and not be abandoned on a whim. Despite her blindness, she was a respectable young lady, not a plaything to be embraced when desired and discarded when the whim passed.
She had loved Pei Xing Guang so much in her previous life, and had endured enough as well.
Once one realizes the depth of their love, they desire an equally deep reciprocation. She couldn't bear the thought of Pei Xuan not loving her.
Pei Xuan became anxious, sweat breaking out on his forehead, as he pleaded, “My wife, please, stop crying.”
He tried to wipe away her tears with his sleeve, but Cui Ti slapped his hand away.
He paused, looking down without a word.
“You are nothing but a user!”
Cui Ti, tears streaming down, accused Pei Xuan, the most upright and honorable gentleman in Xi Jing, of being fickle. Pei Xuan, at a loss for words, could only mutter in defense, "I did not."
"You did."
Facing the emperor in the Golden Luandian Hall, Pei Xuan, the top scholar, who usually had a swift retort for anything, found himself stumbling over words. "I might have been rash, but I never intended to abandon."
His wife, whom he had gone through so much to marry, was precious to him. Why would he ever abandon her?
When it comes to arguments, those who know you best can hurt you the most. Cui Ti, lacking experience in arguments, tears trickling down her face, radiated an astonishingly fragile beauty as she accused, "You married me, yet you keep your distance. You insist on adhering to propriety with me, wanting to maintain your pure, upright image for a lifetime!"
Her words hit him like a tidal wave, leaving him struggling to find a response.
Her emotions overwhelmed her, and she hiccupped amidst her sobs, feeling defeated after she had tried so hard to maintain her composure. In a surge of frustration, she blurted out, "You don't want to consummate our marriage with me..."
In the first part of her statement, she directly addressed Pei Xuan's inner thoughts and feelings. As for the latter part...
Pei Xuan, finding herself in the center of this emotional turmoil, awkwardly touched her nose, wondering—why wouldn't she want to consummate the marriage with her wife?
It wasn’t that she didn’t want to. She was just too scared.
But looking at Cui Ti, whose face was stained with tears, Pei Xuan was at a loss for words, unable to fathom how the topic had shifted to "abandonment after intimacy" and the matter of consummating their marriage. Her pretty eyebrows furrowed, "You've misunderstood me, my wife."
Cui Ti choked back a sob, asking, "Where did I get it wrong?"
She was genuinely giving Pei Xuan a chance to explain.
Realizing this, Pei Xuan gently wrapped an arm around Cui Ti’s waist, pulling her closer so that she leaned against her. "I'm not emotionless. How could I not appreciate your virtues?"
"My husband actually thinks I’m good?"
There was a hint of playful poutiness in Cui Ti’s voice, breaking the awkward tension created by their previous disagreement.
Pei Xuan loved her candidness and couldn't help but smile, "My wife is the one I cherish the most. I have high standards, and ordinary women don’t catch my eye."
"Then who does catch your eye?"
"You."
Cui Ti's heart was deeply moved by Pei Xuan's words, and much of her resentment and worry dissipated. With caution, she asked, "What else?"
This was her way of urging Pei Xuan to clarify the distance she had kept since waking up.
Pei Xuan hesitated, "I never wanted to keep a distance from you or just maintain decorum for the rest of our lives."
Admitting this was harder for her than penning ten long compositions. Cui Ti held back her emotions, waiting silently for Pei Xuan to continue. Hesitantly, Pei Xuan confessed, "My actions were inappropriate, my thoughts impure, betraying the name of a gentleman..."
The more Cui Ti listened, the more puzzled she became. "What happened to you?"
"I," Pei Xuan's neck flushed, she took a deep breath, "I want to..."
She paused for a long while, struggling to find the right words. Cui Ti, with tears on her eyelashes, gently prodded, "Hmm?"
There's a saying, 'Strike while the iron is hot.' But once Pei Xuan hesitated, finding the courage to voice her truth became even harder. Moving closer to her wife, Pei Xuan whispered softly, barely audible.
Upon hearing the word "touch," a tremor ran through Cui Ti's delicate frame.
A trembling hand reached up, resting against the towering and inviolable sanctity. Pei Xuan, barely holding onto her composure, closed her eyes and whispered, "I took advantage of the situation, captivated by your beauty. Despite my teachings from the sages, my heart harbored impure thoughts. It's truly wrong..."
Though she verbally expressed her guilt, her body clearly had its own desires. In a split second, her audacity surged forth, ready to take the plunge.
Her fingertips gently caressed, lips brushing against Cui Ti's earlobe, her voice hinting at a husky undertone, "Now you understand, don't you? I can't control myself, and my transgressions are deep."