Chapter 21 - Just You
The new top scholar of the imperial examination and editor of the Hanlin Academy was exceptionally natural when doing endearing things, Cui Ti knew this was the exclusive treatment for his wife, as this person had long been used to doing these trivial things in his previous life.
When she shyly nodded, Pei Xuan held her wrist, picked up peeled shrimp with long chopsticks, lightly dipped it in the sauce dish, and fed it to Cui Ti intimately without regard for onlookers, embarrassing Cui Ti so much that her petite face bloomed red like flowers.
Seeing this, Bai Tang exclaimed in surprise. She carefully watched as Madam Pei was completely unbothered by her son being intimate with her daughter-in-law. Not only was Madam Pei not displeased by this, she even watched their interaction with interest like Bai Tang.
She had always felt bad that her 'son' was forced by reality to be too restrained after taking on the shell of a man. Now it was great that he had spontaneously learned to be attentive and even made sure to feed the shrimp into his wife's mouth.
She silently reevaluated her daughter.
Dou Qingyue, who was sitting to the side pouting in disappointment, had not gotten to eat the shrimp. Instead, she had consumed a whole jar of vinegar. Laughing, she said, "Cousin is very attentive to cousin-in-law."
On the surface, Pei Xuan remained calm hearing this. In her private thoughts, Cui Ti was unwilling to interact too closely with her, so she pretended not to hear and enjoyed the shrimp in her mouth, her heart tips feeling wrapped in honey.
The Dou family was also an official family. Dou Qingyue was a bona fide young lady from an official's family. Staring intently at a plate of shrimp at the dinner table was very unbecoming of her.
Noticing her gaze, Madam Pei teased her for craving the shrimp: "Xuan'er, peel one for your cousin too."
"Mother, men and women should not exchange gifts directly." Pei Xuan wiped her hands with a wet cloth, then picked up a peeled shrimp that Bai Tang had prepared and placed it next to Dou Qingyue's plate, her expression sincere. "Cousin, you eat this one."
This tactless behavior was so unromantic that Dou Qingyue almost couldn't maintain her pitiful expression — was she coveting a single shrimp?
Her mood visibly deflated.
To appease her, Madam Pei even peeled half a plate herself, but Dou Qingyue only tasted a few bites before declining to eat more, claiming poor health.
It was a typical play for attention.
Having expected this outcome, after the meal Pei Xuan was asked by her mother to take her cousin for a stroll around the garden.
It was May, the weather was sunny. Cui Ti had been taken earlier to tour the back garden, and it would have delighted her heart to tour it again with Pei Xuan. But now there was the added presence of the sickly young miss Dou, making the atmosphere very awkward.
It wasn't that Pei Xuan deliberately ignored her cousin. She was always mindful of maintaining her own "masculine" identity and preserving "male virtue", unwilling to interact intimately with other young ladies which would make Cui Ti overthink.
"Cousin,"
They were nearing the end of the path. Dou Qingyue coquettishly said, "Cousin, you're standing there blocking the way, cousin-in-law and I can't speak freely at all."
"You two talk, I won't listen."
"Husband," Cui Ti shook her hand, "I also want to chat with Qingyue for a bit."
Pei Xuan looked conflicted, but eventually conceded, "Then I'll come find you later?"
Hearing this, Bai Tang following behind almost burst out laughing. Young Master Pei was quite endearing, sticking to his wife after marriage.
Seeing her leaving figure, Dou Qingyue's heart was exceptionally annoyed. She covered her mouth and coughed lightly a few times, her complexion pale. "Cousin-in-law, sometimes I really envy you. Cousin is a dragon and phoenix among men. So many noble ladies in Xi Jing dream of having her as their husband, yet she only has eyes for you. How did you two meet?"
Cui Ti could not comprehend her motivations, unsure if she was good or ill-intended. Still somewhat guarded, she roughly described how she first met Pei Xuan. Dou Qingyue exclaimed in realization, "So it was love at first sight for cousin?"
"Perhaps it was."
"What about cousin-in-law's feelings for cousin?"
Dou Qingyue was taken aback for a moment. "Cousin-in-law, please don't take offense. I'm just too curious and asked too much."
As long as it wasn't to Pei Xuan herself, Cui Ti could always speak of love a bit more lightly. She gently said, "Xing Guang is wonderful. I believe no one would not like her after meeting such a gentleman."
Supporting her arm, Bai Tang secretly nodded. If she were a young lady, and had a gentleman who didn't mind her blindness and low status but treated her sincerely, she would also like him dearly.
"Cousin-in-law is so fortunate."
Cui Ti's steps faltered, unsure of how to respond.
Was she fortunate?
With Pei Xuan, her fortune was of course good.
But before meeting Pei Xuan at eighteen, the first eighteen years of her life had not been good. She was underfed, poorly clothed, and bullied by servants. If not for Pei Xuan, who knew how much longer she would have remained imprisoned in that small courtyard. A woman's life in this world, whether good or ill, was entirely out of her own hands...
She had no intention of confiding this with Dou Qingyue. Smiling, she said, "Meeting Xing Guang is truly my blessing."
Conversations between women with men excluded left Pei Xuan alone and extremely bored waiting in the pavilion. Watching the sun continuously sink west, about to sink into the clouds, she stood up, "What is there so much to talk about?"
Dou Qingyue and Bai Tang emerged from the corner of the back garden supporting the woman between them. The oppressive fog shrouding her was peeled back, and seeing her husband walking towards her, Cui Ti's heart that had been silent for a while suddenly came alive with joy.
"That's enough, cousin. I'm returning your cousin-in-law to you."
Pei Xuan was usually fond of this cousin and never spoke harshly to her. Having waited in the pavilion until she nearly became a lovelorn stone, she no longer had the patience to indulge this frail girl. "Go find Mother, she's been missing you for days."
Dou Qingyue was still smiling cheerfully. "Then I'll take my leave first. Cousin, cousin-in-law."
"Go on."
Walking in the wind, her figure was pitiable to behold. Her occasional cough floated into their ears. Flashes of memories with her cousin flickered through Pei Xuan's mind, only to be occupied the next moment by the woman before her. "I thought Cousin Qingyue would cling onto you and not let go."
Hearing the implicit longing in her words, Cui Ti lowered her head and scolded in jest, "Does Husband take me for an appetizing steamed bun that can't be parted with?"
"How can Wife belittle herself like the bright moon and a beauty like jade?"
Pei Xuan held her hand as they slowly strolled in the dusk, chatting and joking from time to time.
Bai Tang watched them, feeling very moved. Her young mistress's bitterness had turned to sweetness.
Later that evening, people from the Dou family came to fetch Dou Qingyue away. After she left, it felt to Cui Ti like a huge boulder on her chest had been lifted. Only then did she realize she had truly seen Dou Qingyue as a threat.
"What are you laughing about?"
Cui Ti grinned. "Laughing at myself for being a coward."
Any ordinary healthy person could threaten her.
"There is no shame in being timid. It's natural to fear the unknown. But if you pierce through that unknown, the fear will be gone." Pei Xuan dried her wet hair with a large towel. Cui Ti couldn't help stealing glances at her.
"Is there anything Husband fears?"
"Too many things." Pei Xuan sat on a wooden stool, her loose hair draping down. The refined and cultivated air she had as a "gentleman" melted away into wonderful gent. She was unguarded with Cui Ti, and knowing she was modest and shy, would not initiate, said at ease: "As a child I feared rats and snakes. As a youth I feared the stern faces of teachers. Now, I fear being unable to meet my parents' expectations, and being unworthy of the emperor's favor. Fear is normal. It's because we have fears that we want to overcome them. That's growth."
Cui Ti sat across from her, feasting her eyes on Pei Xuan before her, unable to control her desire to confide her inner thoughts: "I'm afraid people will loathe me for being blind, afraid you will abandon me."
"..."
Pei Xuan's hand slowed drying her hair. "Wife?"
"Xing Guang," she softly said. "I'm truly elated that you married me."
Seeing the woman sincerely saying "elated" under the lamplight, Pei Xuan was moved inside. Wasn't she also elated to take Cui Ti as wife? How many people in this world had the fortune to marry their beloved?
Heaven had truly not shortchanged her.
After ensuring her chest was flat and would not reveal anything amiss by covering up with her inner robe, she went to Cui Ti's side: "Wife, your blindness is not your fault. You mustn't punish yourself for it. We've been husband and wife for a day, and will be for life. What talk of abandonment?"
There was still one thing she didn't dare tell Cui Ti. She feared her wife would stop caring for her once she knew the truth. In this sense, she was also a coward.
"But it's common in Da Zhao for a man to have three wives and four concubines. Some begin passionate but end up abandoning, some sweet talk and pledge devotion, but ultimately still fail to remain faithful.
You are a promising youth with unlimited prospects in Xi Jing, while I am the neglected blind daughter of the Earl of Xining. If not for you, who knows how much longer I would have remained imprisoned in that small courtyard. A woman's life, whether good or ill, is entirely beyond her own control..."
"Those men you speak of are not me." Pei Xuan patiently soothed her emotions. "One wife is enough for me. I will keep my word, I absolutely will not fail you."
Cui Ti leaned against her. Although her mood was already cheered after being comforted, and she was truly grateful for her husband's "only need one", she still suppressed her smile and stayed silent.
The inner chamber was tranquil, with only the sound of two hearts drawing close.
After a while, Pei Xuan the "man" boldly made a quiet suggestion: "Wife, it's getting late, let's go to bed and rest."