Chapter 19 - Don't Learn the Bad
With feelings kept hidden, saying too little would be improper, while saying too much may scare his new bride. Pei Xuan was a true scholar, his voice gentle like the best pear blossom wine brewed in town. Each word was implicit and restrained, yet the words spoken were of “stirrings of the heart” and “admiration”.
Cui Ti stared at her blankly, not believing her own ears. Her voice trembled at the end, “Really?”
“Really.” Pei Xuan looked sincere, “As heaven is my witness.”
Before she could finish, tears rolled down Cui Ti’s fair cheeks. This caught the usually steady Pei Xuan off guard. Flustered, he hastily pulled out an embroidered kerchief from his sleeve, bent down and carefully wiped her tears. “My lady, why are you crying?”
Cui Ti turned her face away in embarrassment, “I'm not crying.”
Clearly she was crying, he saw it with his own eyes. How could she say she wasn't?
Even someone as dense as Pei Xuan understood she was upset with him. Blushing, he awkwardly said, “It was you who asked. I didn't mean to offend...”
Thinking he had offended the modest maiden before him by bluntly professing his “fondness”, he blamed himself. But Cui Ti was busy stamping his foot, her embroidered shoes much finer than when Pei Xuan first saw her in the courtyard. At least her shoes were new now, and she dared to be willful.
Thinking this, Pei Xuan felt everything about Cui Ti was wonderful, even her stamping his foot.
Taking advantage of Cui Ti's blindness unable to see his expression, the corners of his eyes crinkled in a smile.
But Cui Ti glimpsed it out of the corner of her eye, and in that moment felt her husband was a complete fool. How could he still smile while being stamped on?
She gave a quiet sob, resenting her husband from her past life greatly.
If he liked her, if his heart stirred and he admired her, why did he still keep his distance and avoid her? Leaving her fretting and worrying, making her stay up countless nights with a mountain of worries?
“My lady...”
Pei Xuan gave a slight tug at her sleeve.
In both lifetimes, Cui Ti seldom acted out. But in this life, barely married, she was being difficult with Pei Xuan. Realizing this, Cui Ti's head cleared somewhat.
If not for the ‘sight’ from last night, upon learning of Pei Xuan's admiration she would have rightfully been angry, ignoring him and letting him taste the feeling of having his heart in turmoil.
But with her spirit eye opened, knowing the scholarly and weak gentleman had the heart of a maiden, she couldn't help but make excuses for Pei Xuan from her past life.
She didn't intentionally avoid me, it was to safeguard her greatest secret. It was of grave importance not to be reckless, it wasn't that she didn't love her.
Thinking of that lively and vivid word “love”, Cui Ti’s heart fluttered like it held seven or eight rabbits all bouncing around inside.
She clutched her chest. Pei Xuan's gaze followed, her fine brows knitted in concern, “My lady, is your chest uncomfortable?”
“No...”
Cui Ti suppressed her blush and mumbled softly, “Why must you say everything out loud?”
“...”
Bewildered witnessing his lady's sudden contrariness on their first morning as man and wife, Pei Xuan's mind went blank. But seeing her face like a peach blossom, ears flushed red, his mood suddenly lifted. The corners of his lips quirked up, “You're right, I spoke out of turn.”
Cui Ti was not completely blind now, she could see Pei Xuan's smug little expression. She was both angry and embarrassed.
But even settling scores, she had no reason to blame this lifetime's innocent Pei Xuan for their past life.
She retracted her foot, glancing at the brocade boots she had stomped on. Gently, she asked, “Does it hurt?”
“It doesn't hurt. Did stamping hurt my lady's feet?”
Receiving her concern, Cui Ti was even more ashamed, not daring to look up. Her legs went soft.
Having lived with him for three years in her past life, she knew better than anyone how attentive he could be when he wanted. She never expected that just forcing him to confess his feelings would bring about double the care.
She regretted being too self-conscious in her past life, too cowardly to directly ask this “eldest son of the Prime Minister” why he married her.
If she had asked, and he answered, perhaps...
Pei Xuan watched her red cheeks happily, his heart fuller than ever: “You still haven't answered me?”
Her thoughts interrupted, Cui Ti pretended ignorance, “What? I forgot.”
She turned to run but was swiftly pulled into Pei Xuan's embrace.
Pei Xuan's mother was strolling to ease her mind. From behind the blooming flowers she spotted the scene of the two embracing in broad daylight. With a soft tsk, she used her eyes to remind the maid beside her to keep her voice down, so as not to disturb this wonderful spring affair.
In her eighteen years in the Earl of Xining's estate, Cui Ti often went hungry and cold. As such, despite both being eighteen and both maidens, she was half a head shorter than Pei Xuan.
Suddenly pulled into Pei Xuan's warm embrace, her heart was in chaos. Face completely red, Cui Ti rested her chin on Pei Xuan's shoulder.
A breeze passes without trace.
Pei Xuan calmly and quietly supported her fragile waist, taking care not to hurt her. Other than that, she didn't know what else to do.
Just breathing in Cui Ti's floral scent from her collar, her soul threatened to float away. She used tremendous self-restraint to resist the unspeakable desires of the flesh. “I've told you my feelings, it wouldn't be right for you not to reciprocate. Tell me your thoughts too?”
Feeling the vibration in Pei Xuan's chest, Cui Ti's breathing grew ragged. In a daze, it was as if she had returned to their positions from her past life, as if in the next moment Pei Xuan would start touching her, taking off her clothes, her legs too weak to stand.
Pei Xuan took a deep breath and steadily held her. Determined to get an answer, “My lady, why won't you speak?”
“I...” Cui Ti was startled by her own voice. Clearing her throat, she barely steadied her voice, “I... was willing to marry into this family...”
Having said that, not knowing where she found the strength, she pushed Pei Xuan away. Just as she was about to step away, her legs suddenly couldn't muster any strength. It was Pei Xuan who grabbed her arm firmly, preventing her from falling.
Cui Ti was mortified, “There, are you satisfied?”
Pei Xuan was extremely satisfied. Worried her earlier aggression had upset her, she sincerely apologized.
Although married, openly embracing in their backyard in broad daylight was still inappropriate.
Etiquette in Da Zhao was strict, especially between men and women. Even a married couple holding hands on the street would draw criticism. If they met the judgmental kind, they may even be scolded for “having no shame”.
It showed Cui Ti's boldness to directly ask Pei Xuan “Do you like me” in this life. Exhausting her courage, she didn't know how to face Pei Xuan. Luckily Pei Xuan was learned, walking a few steps while introducing the scenery around them to her.
Pei Xuan's mother watched for quite a while before tactfully leading her maids in the opposite direction. It was best not to intrude on the couple's efforts to nurture their feelings.
In the afternoon, the sunshine was brilliant. Bai Ge pushed open a window and looked back to see her young miss still resting her chin in her hands, a vague smile slowly spreading across her face. “This won't do, this won't do at all. Young miss is now Mistress Pei, how has she still not broken her habit of daydreaming? Who knows of spring's arrival, I see but I won't say.”
She spoke nonsense, hinting and trying to embarrass Cui Ti. Hearing her, Cui Ti came to her senses and “looked” at the white fog, “Don't talk nonsense.”
“When has this slave talked nonsense?” Bai Ge walked over swiftly, counting on her fingers, “The sun hasn't set yet. Just from what I've seen, mistress has smiled seventy-eight times already. Doesn't mistress' face hurt from all that smiling?”
Reminded by her, Cui Ti was secretly annoyed, “If you aren't working, why are you counting how many times I've smiled?”
“Is it that I'm not working? Hao Zhong and Rao Liang, who knows how they grew up, snatched all the work that I can do. I'm the one who's aggrieved. If I don't keep an eye on you, young miss may smile herself silly without even realizing it.”
Cui Ti and her grew up supporting each other through hard times, so she wouldn't fuss over Bai Ge's "disrespect". She pinched her own face, and became aware she had asked, "I smiled a lot?"
Bai Ge nodded, "Anyone with eyes can see the young miss is quite taken with her husband."
"..."
Cui Ti murmured, "Oh, then I won't smile anymore."
"Yes!" Seeing she had finally woken up, Bai Ge began pouring out her bellyful of words, "It's only the first day after marrying, even if you're satisfied you can't show it directly on your face, or it'll seem like we're throwing ourselves at their family. The husband is indeed a one in a million good man, but the young miss is also extremely good! At least in this Bai Ge's eyes, you'll never find another maiden as gentle and loyal as you in this world!"
"We grew up together, of course you'll think I'm good in every way."
Cui Ti was often praised by her until blushing, and this time was no exception. Not wanting to dwell on this topic, Bai Ge's curiosity was piqued, "Did young miss and husband... consummate?"
Pei Xuan's raised hand slowly lowered. She stood still outside the curtain, straining to listen.
Eavesdropping on private conversation was improper, not befitting a gentleman. But... but Bai Ge's voice was too loud. Which person's heart didn't house a curious cat?
In her past life, Cui Ti was often egged on by her to think about all kinds of embarrassing affairs of the flesh. Before Cui Ti married, Bai Ge was still decent. So in this life, facing a proper Bai Ge, she was somewhat unaccustomed.
Now married, that indecent Bai Ge had returned.
It was pitiful. In both lifetimes Cui Ti did not have a single girlfriend, with only Bai Ge as her sole confidante.
"Keep your voice down, it wouldn't be good if someone heard."
Soon, Bai Ge lowered her voice, "So did young miss and husband consummate or not?"
Cui Ti was amused by her melodramatic whispering, halfway through laughing she pinched her kerchief and shook her head.
"No?!" Bai Ge muttered to herself, "I knew it! No matter how gentle the husband is, the young miss' body would definitely be marked. With no consummation, the bedsheet the matron took was fake after all!"
She was indignant, whispering back and forth with Cui Ti.
The voice suddenly lowered. Pei Xuan's heart itched, leaning closer to listen.
"...Young miss doesn't know this, but men with high bridged noses are very capable. I observe the husband has a towering nose, with long hands and legs. He should have no issues performing. But sleeping beside such a living, breathing beauty, he actually endured! This defies reason!"
Cui Ti didn't understand herself how the illiterate Bai Ge could rattle off so knowledgeably about romance. In her past life she took Pei Xuan for a man, and a useless one at that. Bai Ge surely played no small part in beguiling her then.
"My husband treats me extremely well, his character is good too. Don't slander him."
The gentle voice flowed out. Pei Xuan's awkward expression eased up. She held a bunch of flowers, lowering her head to smell them, using the fragrance to cleanse her sullied soul.
Just as she was about to announce herself and go in, Bai Ge whispered mysteriously, "This slave has a wonderful method to guarantee the husband won't be able to endure and will wrestle with young miss three hundred times over—"
"Cough cough!"
The hurried coughs came from outside the curtain. Pei Xuan breezed in unhurriedly, coughing into her fist as if choked by the wind, coughing a few more times. Gently, she said, "Bai Ge, Hao Zhong is looking for you, go take a look."
Bai Ge had a dumbstruck expression. Her face as red as a monkey's bottom, she took two looks at Pei Xuan, quickly curtsied, and dashed out as if her life depended on it.
She walked closer step by step. Head lowered, Cui Ti's heart thumped like a drum. After a few silent breaths, she asked, "You heard everything?"
Pei Xuan's complexion was complicated, her tone murky, "Don't learn the bad from her."
"Mm."
Seeing her agree so readily, Pei Xuan relaxed somewhat. She set the flowers down, unaware that compared to smelling the flowers, Cui Ti had found something she was more interested in.
She looked at Pei Xuan's straight and delicate nose, her gaze obscurely falling onto her husband's slender fingers.