Chapter 12 - Expressing Affection
In April, the imperial appointments came down, and Pei Xuan was appointed as a compiler in the Hanlin Academy, a sixth-rank official position. As someone without real talent or learning, she would have a hard time standing firm in the Hanlin Academy.
The eldest son of the Pei family was famous, and at first the senior and junior officials in the Hanlin Academy were wary of her father the Chancellor, and didn't dare assign her too much work. After working together for half a month, Pei Xuan readily took on copywork and errands, and earnestly did her duty, earning universal praise.
The top graduate, second place, and third place graduates all worked together in the Hanlin Academy, so she didn't feel lonely.
At dusk, after leaving the Hanlin Academy, Song Zizhen invited his friend to join him for drinks at Fengming Tower. Pei Xuan couldn't refuse, so she simply went to the gathering still wearing her aqua robe with floral patterns.
The last celebration banquet at Fengming Tower had been an embarrassing scene, but this time coming back, her mood was completely different.
Song Zizhen slapped open a jar of wine and poured it into their ceramic cups, saying: "There are three great joys in life: the candlelit bridal chamber, the glory of seeing your name on the rankings, and Xing Guang—you're more capable than us, you've already attained two of the three great joys, so what can't you do?"
When it came to teasing Pei Xingguang, Zheng Wuji was clearly on the same side as the one surnamed Song: "I always thought Xingguang would be the last of us three to marry, but it turns out I was wrong. Of the three of us, Xingguang is actually the first to fall for a girl."
The little ceramic cup was filled with pear blossom wine, and he took a sip, squinting his eyes: "Xingguang, I and Zizhen are very curious, what is it about that girl you like?"
She should have known they wouldn't let her off easy just coming here to drink. Pei Xuan daintily held her wine cup, lightly wetting her lips, and only after catching the authentic fragrance of the pear blossom wine did she open up in a smile: "I don't know either. From the first moment I saw her, my heart started pounding chaotically."
"Ohhh!"
Song Zizhen exaggeratedly nudged Zheng Wuji, waggling his eyebrows.
"Be serious."
Pei Xuan glared at him.
"It's not that I'm not serious, it's that Xingguang is the one not being serious. What kind of 'at first sight of the girl, impure thoughts' is this?"
"How am I impure?"
Song Zizhen grinned and leaned over the table, lowering his voice: "Do you want to kiss her? Don't you want to hold her too? Your heart is chaotic, isn't it? You need the girl to give you a caress to make it better, eh? Aiya, Xingguang, no need to be shy, Wuji and I understand!"
With the air of 'men naturally lust after women,' Pei Xuan lowered her head and drank her wine, not taking his bait.
"There, just as expected, I'm speaking right to Xingguang's heart. A man, no matter how cold or aloof on the surface, has a fiery heart when desiring a woman."
"......"
Pei Xuan opened her mouth as if to say something, then thought better of it. What was the point of provoking these two 'highly unmarried' men?
Seeing her on the verge of speech, Song Zizhen's eyes darted around:
"Xingguang, we agreed, Wuji and I will stand in as your matchmakers and go with you to welcome the bride."
"Right!"
"Don't worry." The compiler slowly sipped her wine, lightly raising her eyes with a smile. "You can't escape going with me."
Not only did these two insist on being her matchmakers, they'd also have to help her fend off the wine. On her wedding night, she wanted a clear head to talk with the girl all night long.
She missed Cui Ti too much.
She wanted to hear her talk.
Unfortunately her fiancée had moved out of the small courtyard, so she could no longer chat with her through the wall.
But it was good she was returning to the Agarwood Courtyard. At least the roof there wouldn't leak rain, and living there would be comfortable and stable.
Thinking of this, she felt a pang of longing.
Seeing her expression, Zheng Wuji asked: "Xingguang, what are you thinking about?"
"Are you thinking of the bride?" Song Zizhen prodded her. "Don't you plan to see her before the wedding? Even if it's just to talk through a screen, that would work too. Otherwise, exchange letters by goose messenger."
His words struck right at Pei Xuan's constant wish. Unsure, she asked: "Would that work?"
"Why wouldn't it? The betrothal gifts have been presented, so even without worshipping the ancestors, she's your woman now. Moreover, you're her destined husband, so it's no harm to propriety for a husband to see his wife. It's fine, but if you're still unsure, you don't have to meet, just let her know you're thinking of her—that works too, right?"
Pei Xuan looked to Zheng Wuji.
Zheng Wuji smiled at her rare youthful yearning: "It does no harm. If you're truly uneasy, rather than meeting, letting her know your thoughts is fine too."
"That's good!"
The compiler slapped the table and stood up, placing down money to pay for the wine. "I'm going first, drink slowly, you two."
Song Zizhen was left standing there dumbfounded, pointing in the direction of the certain person's swift departure, baffled: "Is...is that still Xingguang? The eldest Miss Chui must have bewitched her!"
"Don't talk nonsense." Zheng Wuji solemnly declared: "It's called longing, understand? Longing."
"Shopkeep, a bowl of red bean soup!"
Longing—he was so lovesick he could die, and as soon as his good brother got a wife he immediately ran off to the skirts, leaving drinking wine with him and Zheng Wuji to lose its appeal.
As the wedding day drew near, Pei Xuan only waited at the Hanlin Academy for May 5th to welcome the bride. At the Earl of Xining's estate, in the Agarwood Courtyard, Cui Ti held needle and thread, wanting to embroider a sachet for her husband.
She wanted to embroider a sachet, but Bai Ge couldn't stop her, only able to act as her eyes, constantly adjusting her needlework with a hand.
"Miss, that's wrong again."
There was no frustration on Cui Ti's face. Years of hardship had long polished her temperament smooth as water—if it was wrong, she would simply try again. As long as she didn't prick her hand or dirty the sachet, that was good.
Bai Ge sincerely admired her perseverance.
If it were her, if she were blind, she wouldn't even have the courage to thread a needle and sew, let alone embroider a sachet.
"Is this right?"
"Yes, correct." Bai Ge didn't dare let her thoughts wander, busy pulling them back to continue assisting her mistress.
To Cui Ti, she was blind. The expensive bridal clothes were absolutely off limits for bloodstains, so she had only ceremonially stitched a few stitches on the mostly finished garment, barely contributing.
She regretted not being able to sew intimate undergarments for Pei Xuan, so she used this sachet to express her feelings instead.
The embroidery was sure to look ugly, but she was bored with nothing to do.
Pei Xuan was flying kites near the residence of the Earl of Xining again. Soaring high in the sky was an exceptionally large colorful crane.
The magnificent crane and the handsome young gentleman who had yet to remove his official robes attracted much attention. Anyone with eyes could recognize this face and attire belonged to the top scholar of Xi Jing, Pei Xuan.
The top scholar was appointed by His Majesty to the Hanlin Academy. Once one entered the Hanlin Academy, the future shone bright.
She paid no mind to the eyes of others, focused on gauging the wind direction while skillfully maneuvering the kite.
Letting it drift to and fro, she still felt the Cui residence was the most suitable spot.
The gatekeeper of the Earl of Xining's residence was a docile fellow. He looked at his future young master in bewilderment, unable to comprehend what the Hanlin Academy compiler of sixth rank was up to.
Why was an official so high up frolicking outside someone else's home flying kites? What sort of ingenious idea was this?
"Young sir, come over here."
The gatekeeper pointed at himself. Pei Xuan called to him, "Yes, please relay a message inside to the young miss that I'm flying a kite out here and ask her to watch carefully with her heart."
"Watch carefully with her heart?"
Standing at the entrance of the Agarwood Courtyard, the gatekeeper reported Pei Xuan's words to Bai Ge. Bai Ge waved her hand dismissively, "I understand, you may go."
She quickly returned to the room and repeated Pei Xuan's words verbatim to Cui Ti. Cui Ti's eyes crinkled into a smile, "Help me outside to watch."
To watch.
How could a blind woman watch?
Pei Xuan said to watch with her heart.
The heart is the eye.
Stepping outside, Bai Ge effortlessly looked up and saw the gaudy colorful kite. "My lady, what a huge kite, it's got to be as long as two men. It's a crane that looks lively just by looking at it, though the colors are far too bright."
After pausing for some time, she asked, "My lady, how does one watch with the heart?"
Cui Ti laughed at her silliness, "He's using this kite to speak."
"Speak what?"
"That he misses me, wants to see me, wants to be with me."
Bai Ge's face flushed red as she scoffed and spat, "Why is M'lord still teasing so?"
Cui Ti shared this doubt.
Indeed.
Did this man not dislike her?
Why did he miss her, want to accompany her, want to see her again?
Just when she thought she understood Pei Xuan, his actions would become indecipherable once more. Cui Ti lifted her head as the spring breeze caressed her face.
She didn't know for how long Pei Xuan flew that kite and how long she 'watched' in the courtyard.
The engaged couple tacitly and amusingly observed each other to uphold the complicated prenuptial proprieties.
"M'lord!"
Pei Xuan's attendant came over, "M'lord, it's getting late, the mistress is calling you back home for dinner."
"Wait a little longer." Pei Xuan held the kite string and suddenly said, "Knife."
The attendant was startled, then swiftly took out a small paper-cutting knife he carried.
The knife severed the string and the massive colorful kite flew into the Cui residence.
"This kite is my gift to the young lady. Do you understand?"
Forced to appreciate the gargantuan crane she watched fly for a whole hour, the gatekeeper bobbed his head deferentially, "Young Master, do not worry. The kite will definitely reach the young miss."
Satisfied, Pei Xuan's heart swelled with joy at being called "Young Master."
Most of her elation was hidden inside, but even the portion that seeped out was enough to make Pei Xuan's attendant gnash his teeth.
Love, it really made his young lord almost silly.
The attendant looked forward to the fifth day of the fifth month coming faster so the young mistress could be welcomed into their home, saving his lovesick young lord from absentmindedness.
"My lady, this was sent by Pei M'lord."
Bai Ge held the ridiculously huge kite, growing more amused the longer she looked at it. "How come I didn't realize M'lord was such an interesting fellow before? My lady's future looks promising following him."
The colorful kite was exquisitely crafted with quality materials. Cui Ti felt it over, "He has put thought into this."
She carefully recalled her previous life. Pei Xuan loved flying kites then too, and using unexpected methods to please her.
Pei Xuan was the ideal gentleman all Xi Jing ladies wished to marry.
And this gentleman would be hers again soon.
Pei Xuan wanted to see her, and she also wanted to truly gaze upon Pei Xuan with clear eyes to witness how he captivated all the women of Xi Jing.
To see his elegant demeanor and tender, affectionate eyes.
Lost in thought by day and dreaming by night, Cui Ti dreamt of the immortal riding a crane to restore her vision that night.
She yearned to see so badly.
Longed so desperately to see her two lifetimes' husband again.
The white days drudged by drearily. Awakening from her dream, Cui Ti sat dazedly on the bed thinking she would never see Pei Xuan again, never see the most dazzling youth of Da Zhao.
This realization upset her greatly.
Stumbling and fumbling who knows how many times, Cui Ti finally finished embroidering the sachet.
Unsightly and wrinkled, no matter how fine the materials used, the stitches were a mess. Worthless if brought outside.
"Forget it."
She lifted her hand to discard the sachet but was stopped by Bai Ge. "Why give up so easily? Though ugly, it's still made with my lady's sincere heart. If M'lord is a good man, how could he deny my lady's feelings over neat stitches?"
The involved see blindly while bystanders see clearly.
As the wedding day approached, Bai Ge noticed her lady grew more self-deprecating.
Putting away the sachet to prevent Cui Ti from impulsively destroying her hard work and heart, she squatted down, "My lady, those who love you won't disdain your flaws but ache for your virtues. Listen to me, be a happy bride."
On the fourth day of the fifth month, with less than a day until she wed, Cui Ti hugged her knees. A heat welled up beneath the white gauze over her sightless eyes which she ignored. Her mood was bleak, "Bai Bai, do you think he'll mind if I bear him a blind child?"